A group of hikers had settled down for the evening. They had created a big fire and placed a pot of delicious smelling stew on the fire. As luck would have it, the aroma managed to filtrate through the forest and landed on the sensitive nose of a big old brown bear! He couldn’t believe his nose! So he followed the smell and came upon the camp with the folks getting ready to sit down for their evening meal. The sight of the bear caused them to scatter quickly, and vacate the site immediately. The bear, following his nose, approached the fire with the stew simmering in a pot on top of it. He couldn’t help himself! It smelled too good to waste, so without fear or hesitation, grabbed the pot with both his front paws and proceeded to clutch it to himself. Of course, having been sitting on the fire, the pot was horrendously hot. Rather than drop the pot and cease the source of pain for him, he held onto it even tighter hopping that would make things better. Of course it didn’t. Rather it burned him even more and caused even greater damage. He still wouldn’t let go, and even more pain! Finally, he couldn’t take the pain anymore and had to release the pot. It dropped and of course with that so did the pain! The campers watched in disbelief at the sight, and couldn’t understand why the bear would continue to hold on to the very thing that was causing him pain.
People are like that old bear too. I recently facilitated a class with a group of managers who had just completed training on leadership. As we discussed the breakthroughs of the training and how that would assist them to be better leaders, one of the managers kept complaining about the company and how it didn’t support them, how difficult their job was, and how it will be so hard to use the skills they all developed in the sessions. No matter how I tried to get her to look at herself and rather than judge what everyone else needed to do, what was she willing to do differently or to support her peers to move forward? She kept insisting on all the things that were wrong, rather than what was right. She would not let go of the attitude that was causing her the pain. Even her peers tried to coach her to see things with a renewed outlook, still she insisted on hanging onto her “stew pot”. Nothing will ever change for her until she decides to let go!
We all have a habit of doing that. We hang onto old memories that cause us pain. We relive them every time we talk about it to anyone who has yet to hear our tale of woe. We hang onto old habits thinking that perhaps this time they will deliver a different outcome. We often keep relationships that do nothing more than destroy our very spirit. Somehow we think it will get better. And we keep beliefs that were often made before we knew better or became better informed. Beliefs that hold us back from having the dreams and goals we deserve.
Anytime we hold onto our ‘stew pot’ all we get is more pain. Unless you like the feeling of that pain, perhaps it’s time to “drop the pot”! I’m not suggesting we give up, but that we give “it” up! Whatever is causing that pain, causing us to move forward and live the lives we deserve to lead, to lead the people who need our impact, to leave our mark on the world, we need to “drop the pot”! And drop it now!
So easy to say, not so easy to do right? Well, actually, it’s easier than you think. Making the decision to “drop the pot” is where we begin. Only then can we proceed. We have to come to terms with the price we are paying for our behavior.
Then we need to identify what it is that is causing so much anguish. Some self reflection. Often we put a bandage on the symptom and not the source. This will require some personal insights. If all you do is treat the symptom, the same problem will occur over and over. So ask yourself, is this something I am creating through a belief, or attitude? If so, then change it! And things will improve.
Ask yourself, is there anything I can do about this? Is it beyond my control. Often we try to control things that really aren’t ours to control in the first place. That’s just selfish! We are probably robbing someone else of a life lesson that they need to learn. If it’s not a hill you need to die on, then don’t!
And finally, learn from the experience. Ask yourself, what can I learn from this so I can move on. We don’t need this to reoccur again in the future. The only way to avoid repeating pain is to face it, learn from it, and then to let it go!
So whether the pain is great or small, if it is holding you back from living a life of real leadership, and having an impact on the people around you, then “drop the pot” and get on with living. Remember, when people are at their best they are unstoppable!